Some of these I made up, but most of them I heard elsewhere.
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Idea for Father's Day:
Put your Dad's present in a box. Wrap it with duct tape so that
no part of the box is showing. Wrap and old backpack strap
around it. Draw a radioactive waste sign on it with a Sharpie
permanent marker. Put some kind of lock on it. Give your Dad the
key or combination to the lock in his Father's Day card.
It's a good idea to put the locked box on the kitchen
table a week before Father's Day.
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My imaginary friend thinks you are retarded.
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Save time, see it my way.
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Bring a balloon to school. Fill it up with water in the restroom.
Between classes, drop it in the hall and see who steps on it.
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During class, look out the window with some fake binoculars. Tell
everyone that you are searching for pirates.
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Take a squirt gun to school. Shoot people in the hall.
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Take a ketchup packet and put it under the toilet seat.
Wait for someone to sit down on that seat. Watch ketchup go
everywhere.
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Cram on the emergency brake as you are driving down the road.
See how many people jump and flip you off.
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
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If it weren't for electricity, we'd be watching TV by candlelight.
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Anyone going faster than you is a maniac, anyone going slower
than you is an idiot.
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Most know how to say nothing...few know when.
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